Have an Affair: How It Works and When It Doesn’t

🔥Best Dating Sites to Find an Affair in USA | September 2023

Rank	Site	Free Trial Link
#1	SecretBenefits	JOIN
#2	AshleyMadison	JOIN
#3	AdultFriendFinder	JOIN
#4	Victoria Milan	JOIN
#5	OneNightFriend	JOIN

SecretBenefits

• Registration: Free
• Price: $59 for 100 credits to $289 for 1,000 credits
• More info: SecretBenefits review

SecretBenefits certainly does something right, considering it attracts over 13 million users monthly. The dating site makes it easy to find and connect with other people seeking casual relationships and extramarital affairs. And the credit-based subscription is pretty cost-efficient, letting you unlock unlimited messaging and private albums and take a break when you feel like it. As the dating site is designed for IRL, not virtual affairs, the functionality is more than enough to satisfy most people’s needs.

Main Features:

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SecretBenefits

Ashley Madison

• Registration: Free
• Price: $59 for 100 credits to $289 for 1,000 credits
• More info: AshleyMadison review

Ashley Madison is the dating site to initiate an extramarital affair, considering over 7 million active users frequent the platform monthly. Unlike other dating sites, it highlights IRL affairs, as the communication features are limited to live chat and steamy photos, which are more than enough to get excited and set up in-person meetings. Besides, Ashley Madison uses credits, meaning you can control your spending and take breaks from having an affair.

Main Features:

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AshleyMadison

AdultFriendFinder

• Registration: Free
• Price: $19.95 to $39.95 per month
• More info: AdultFriendFinder review

AdultFriendFinder is a perfect answer for how to hide an affair, as the platform hosts one of the biggest adult dating communities with a focus on cyber hookups. You’ll have all the tools necessary for a satisfying online affair, from explicit live streams and private shows to live chat and hot video gallery. Besides, AdultFriendFinder offers plenty of free features, so even if you aren’t ready to become a premium member, you’ll have many reasons to return to the platform again and again.

Main Features:

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AdultFriendFinder

VictoriaMilan

• Registration: Free
• Price: $59.95 to $89.95 per month

VictoriaMilan is a delightful mix of dozens of advanced search filters, ranging from appearance details to kinks and fetishes, with traditional communication options. Thanks to location-specific search, you can find partners for discreet online affairs and real-life encounters. And you know the website is serious about security and privacy when phone and email confirmation is required to become a member. Although signup is free, private communication tools are reserved for premium members, even if subscription rates are pretty reasonable.

Main Features:

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Victoria Milan

OneNightFriend

• Registration: Free
• Price: $0.69 to $1.39 per day

OneNightFriend promises to help you start an affair with a married man or woman, and it delivers. The platform highlights local matches and provides just enough communication functionality to get you excited to meet in person after you get to know each other through live chat and photos. And Flirtcast is a perfect tool for new members to get responses from potential partners fast. Like most dating apps, OneNightFriend comes with free registration and a basic feature set, but advanced communication tools are available after a premium upgrade.

Main Features:

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OneNightFriend

What’s an Affair?

What does an affair mean for you and your partner? That’s really the only thing that matters. For example, 80% of American adults believe kissing is cheating, while 55% consider flirting a sign of infidelity. And 90% consider sharing nude photos with other people cheating as well, which is only beaten by having sex with another person (93%).

All these facts have one thing in common—one of the partners in a committed monogamous relationship shares intimacy with another person to the detriment of their primary relationship. However, there are subtle differences between affair vs. cheating. A long-term affair usually involves a single affair partner and regular encounters over months and years. Casual cheating or hookups are usually one-night stands involving different partners. At the same time, flings can evolve into affairs over time.

What Does a Married Man Want in an Affair?

Psychologists name dozens of reasons and motivations for married men to cheat. However, the three most common and powerful motivators seem to be:

Ultimately, married men usually have a mix of several reasons for starting an affair.

Emotional Affair vs. Friendship

Affairs aren’t necessarily sexual in nature. Moreover, nearly 70% of women believe emotional infidelity is possible without being sexual, while only 53% believe sexual affairs can remain unemotional. Consider the differences in the table below to tell if your close friendships may cross the line into platonic, romantic relationships.

Some of these signs may not appear simultaneously, but if you feel like your best friends relationship leans towards emotional infidelity, you may soon need to make a choice between your primary partner and your platonic friend. And learning how to recover from an emotional affair will come in handy.

Signs an Affair Is Getting Serious

Whether you’re considering switching primary partners or not, sometimes affairs get out of hand and evolve into something serious. You can recognize the signs across these three categories:

• Time. You spend more time with your affair partner than anyone else, and you think about them when you’re apart. Your primary partner is starting to notice your absences as well.
• Emotions. You’re feeling anxious when apart, and no one else makes you feel as happy and comfortable as your affair partner. And your initial infatuation and passion have settled into affection, care, and possibly love.
• Plans. Whenever you think about the future, your plans are focused on your affair partner. You may be planning the next date, a vacation, or even the rest of your lives together.

There may be more subtle signs an affair is turning into love, but I believe if you notice one of the above, you’re in for some decision-making.

Signs Your Affair Partner Is Losing Interest

Most relationships survive one of the partners having an affair, but if you’re interested in keeping both arrangements alive, you should recognize when your affair partner pulls away. The common signs include the following:

• You spend less time together. You’re getting constant rain checks without a legitimate excuse, your encounters are now few and far between, and your partner doesn’t initiate dates.
• Your sexual intimacy is lacking. Suddenly your sex life is no different from what you had with your primary partner, and both of you feel unsatisfied afterward.
• Your partner seems distracted and distant. Your conversations may become one-sided, with no input from your partner, and they don’t engage emotionally in your encounters.

In other words, if you notice the same behavior you exhibited with your primary partner before starting an affair, your partner is likely to lose interest.

How to Get Over an Affair

If you’re seeing signs your affair is over, you can try the following to get over it:

• Get closure. Talk it out with your illicit partner, return each other’s stuff, and put a definitive end to the relationship to be able to move on.
• Make peace with yourself. Take some time for navel-gazing and decide what the affair did for you and where you want to go from there. Journaling is just one example of a self-reflection practice you can try.
• Focus on your primary relationship. With one partner to focus your affection on, you can finally make your committed partnership your top priority and look into how to save a marriage after an affair.
• Seek psychological help. You can try one-on-one sessions or seek help from a marriage counselor to make sense of your feelings and thoughts.

Unfortunately, there’s no universal solution for how to heal from an affair, but you can try one or more of the approaches above to make the breakup easier.

Expert’s Notes

Erin O’Brien

Author

I think cyber affairs are the safest bet for people stuck in dull monogamous relationships but unwilling to experiment with one-night stands. After all, online platforms provide all the sexual diversity and experimentation you might want without any of the risks a real-life affair entails. And they are much easier to keep secret from your partner, especially if you’re smart about using a separate email and phone number at signup. Besides, cyber affairs are much cheaper.

Conclusion

This post is by no means a complete guide on how to have an affair, but I hope I managed to answer some of your questions and provide helpful clues and tips for navigating two relationships at once.

FAQ

Information sources:

• today.yougov.com
• similarweb.com
• researchgate.net

Erin O'Brien

Author

Erin Obrien is the one who writes guides for Dating Jedi and uses developmental and contextual approaches both in her work with clients and when sharing her thoughts with our site visitors. Erin believes that relationships are what shape us and helps people to build those healthy emotional connections.