Online Dating Conversation Starters: Best Icebreaking Questions
Online dating success is all about making the right first impression. Contrary to popular belief, this extends far beyond your profile picture and bio. You need to kill it with your first conversation as well!
After all, how you start sets the tone for the rest of your future interactions.
If you have no idea where to start when talking on dating apps, do not panic. We have your back! This article will teach you how to show your best side with our top dating app conversation starters.
How to start a conversation online in 4 steps
Starting a conversation with someone that you met online should not be very hard. It doesn’t matter whether you are a raging extrovert or a painfully shy introvert. You just have to be smart about how you approach the situation.
Here are four foolproof steps to get and keep that special someone’s attention.
STEP 1: Research your match’s profile
First impressions matter a lot with online dating.
Once you’ve matched with someone on your chosen dating app, you already have their attention with your profile.
But your job is far from over.
How you introduce yourself will make all the difference, and the best way to be on the safe side is to gather some intel.
Go through their profile on the dating platform or social media if the details are available. It will give you an idea about who you are dealing with and what they like.
Doing so will go a long way in ensuring you pick the right online conversation starters and don’t end up gushing about your love for barbeques to an ethical vegan.
STEP 2: Find the perfect opening message
With the information you gathered, it should be easy to figure out the perfect way to start a conversation.
It could be anything from a joke to a reference you know they may like. Just make sure it is something that is true to who you are but also appealing to them.
If you have no idea what to choose, just ask them a question. If you can’t think of anything yourself, we’ve put together 42 great online dating conversation starters below.
STEP 3: Don’t give up just yet
Unfortunately, no matter how meticulous your snooping was and how well-crafted your first message turned out, you don’t always get a reply.
Maybe she forgot to reply because she got busy? Maybe it wasn’t as awesome as you thought it was, and he wasn’t intrigued enough to engage?
Whatever the case, if you find yourself with an unread/unreplied message for days on end, then you might want to go in for a second shot.
You could try and change strategies and ask a question if previously you started with a joke or vice versa. Just don’t be too pushy.
STEP 4: Work towards a real-life meetup
You finally got a reply. You have been texting back and forth for weeks, and things couldn’t be more exciting.
If things turned out this well for you, you need to cash in on your blessing before it is too late. Your relationship will only survive the virtual existence for so long.
So, you need to plan for the first date in real life as soon as you are both comfortable with each other. It also gives you a chance to figure out whether your chemistry I just as undeniable in real life as it is online.
17 topics & examples of online dating conversation starters on dating apps
“Do you think pineapples belong on a pizza?”
A little controversy never hurt anyone. So stir things up with fun debates like the example given or whatever else you think might interest them.
It could be anything from a Kobe vs. James exchange to a Voldemort vs. Grindelwald friendly fight. Just make sure they are interested before you get started.
“If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
You really cannot go wrong with talking about food. I mean, who doesn’t love food, right?
Asking this could also be a sneaky way to find out what they like. That way, you can surprise them with it later, should things go well enough for an offline date.
Profile picture observations
“Is that your dog in the photo?”
It could be that you noticed a tattoo, a familiar background, or even the cutest dog on the planet. Using this as a starter is an automatic way to get them to talk about something they are interested in. It also shows that you are attentive, which is a great quality to have.
“So, you love to travel? Where have you been?”
If nothing stands out from the pictures, then take a look at the bio description:
- What do they like?
- What interests do they have?
- What do they want?
You can get this information and use it to ask great starter questions that will keep the conversation going for a while.
I’ve never actually met a [insert their job here] before. What’s that like?
Unless you matched with a closet criminal or a superspy, most people are pretty comfortable talking about what they know best: their field of work.
It will not only help you break the ice but also learn a bit more about your match and their interests. Just don’t ask about the salary and perks. That’s tacky.
“So, what’s the weather like in [insert match’s home town if indicated]. Is it as hot/cold/rainy/nice as it is here?”
Whether as a conversation topic usually gets a bad rap. That’s a shame because it is actually not always a sign of an awkward conversation. It could be a nice way to prompt a deep chat if you play your cards right.
The trick is to find a way to transition from talking about the weather to something more personal. You could share a funny memory of your winter escapades. You could transition to talking about fun childhood summers.
Jokes and puns
Funny jokes and puns are also great conversation starters for dating – you can never go wrong with humor!
Take a chance and start your conversation with your future soulmate by telling them a joke. It doesn’t even have to be something you came up with. Just make sure it isn’t something overused.
“I’m a huge fan of [insert interest here] too. I noticed you mentioned it in your bio/ I noticed in one of your profile backgrounds.”
Having shared interests makes it easy to start and sustain a conversation as you have a topic that both of you can contribute to with equal enthusiasm.
It could be that their biography mentioned their love for a certain TV show, movie, franchise, or hobby that you are also interested in.
It could also be something you spot in their photos, like a pet or a location you have also visited. The important thing is not to read too much into the shared interest to the point where you scare them away by seeming obsessive.
You may both love anime, but it is not immediate proof that you have found your soul mate.
Fun personal stories
“I saw something on your profile that reminded me of this one time…”
It is a bit of a risky approach as it involves getting very familiar very fast. But with the right crowd, it works like magic. You can tell a story and ask a question about similar experiences they might have had. It is a great way to get over the boring small talk and dive right in.
“You have really beautiful eyes.”
When in doubt, always say something nice. The important thing with this starter idea is to avoid being rude or disrespectful. Since it is your first interaction, try to stick to G-rated compliments. These make you seem sweet and genuine and will help lower your love interest’s guard.
“If you had a country, what would be your national anthem?”
Many people love music, and thus this is a topic you should consider exploring from the first interaction. Again, this works as it gets the person to open up about something that they are genuinely interested in.
“If you could have a one-on-one book club lunch with one author, who would it be, and what book of theirs would you want to discuss?”
This is a great icebreaker question for book lovers! How they answer the question will give you a great idea of their genre preferences which you may or may not have in common.
The answer will also give you insight into what books or authors have had the biggest impact on your online match’s life.
Love, romance, and warm fuzzies
“What is your idea of the perfect date?”
This very direct approach shows that you know what you want. It is the perfect balance between being direct and being cautious. It will get you further than guys who confess their love in the first text and those who take forever to show interest.
“Did you know…”
If you are a facts nerd and you feel that the person you are interested in is as well, then this will work. If you aren’t sure they will be into it, then stick to something generally fun. For example, you could go for a cool pop culture fact instead of dropping science wisdom on someone who really couldn’t care less.
“I’m conducting a survey to settle this debate I have with my friends. Maybe you could help. Do you prefer [option 1] or [option 2].
Don’t worry, your search for love does not have to turn into a full-on research paper. The poll can be any random “this-or-that” game that you come up with on the spot.
It is casual enough to get the attention of the person you are interested in while being open enough to lead to a much deeper conversation.
True or False Questions
“True or false…”
True or false questions are a fun variation of other icebreaker options on our list, including polls and debates. The fun thing about true or false is that you can make a whole back and forth game out of it.
You ask whether they agree or disagree on one point and when they answer, they get to ask for your opinion using the same true or false format.
Multiple Choice questions
“Which of the following best describe the perfect Saturday evening for you? a) Netflix, a warm blanket, and snacks. b) Party ‘til you drop. C) Family dinner. d) Other”
The options of questions, in this case, are limitless. If you find yourself stuck, you could also find questions to work with online by finding multiple-choice questions to play with a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend.
The questions have to be interesting, or the conversation will feel more something like an exam than getting to know each other.
25 best online dating conversation starters
- What do you like to do when you are free?
This will help you learn about their hobbies and their interests. It is also an awesome test for compatibility, especially if there are similarities. If there are no similarities, just keep an open mind.
- Where are you from? And what’s it like there?
You can learn a lot about a person based on where they grew up and what they thought of the place. It includes their value systems, interests, and even a bit about their childhood experiences.
- What is the most interesting thing that happened to you this week?
This simple question makes it easy to transition into different topics of conversation. You may get them to talk about their work, friends they hung out with, or major life events.
- What kind of movies are you into, and which one is your current favorite?
The “what’s your favorite movie” question is a classic that will work just as well now as it did when you were a teen. The best part is when you share genre preferences or specific movie favorites.
- Would you consider yourself a romantic person?
If you are a person that values romance, this is a really good question to ask right off the bat. It will help establish compatibility and prevent frustrations later on in the relationship.
- What was your childhood like?
A person’s childhood has the biggest impact on their adult personality, values, interests, and preferences in general. Therefore, understanding your match’s childhood experience is pretty much getting a blueprint of their current life.
- If you could only save three items in a house fire, what would they be?
On a surface level, it is a pretty basic question, but it sheds light on your match’s main priorities. However, don’t use this as a tool to measure their entire personality. Not everyone who chooses to save their favorite shoes or device is a shallow, materialistic person.
- What destinations are currently on your travel bucket list?
If you are a travel bug, this is a question you must ask. It not only gives you an idea as to what experiences excite them, but it is also an excellent source of travel inspiration to help you plan your future trips.
- What sports team are you a diehard fan for?
This one is for the sports fans who match with equally enthusiastic sports fans. The awesome thing about this question is that it will lead to fun banter whether you share your love for the same team or argue for your individual teams.
- Do you love to read? What are you currently reading?
This simple question is another one that will help you figure out your online match’s literary interests and, by extension, a bit more about their personality. Follow these questions up with a prompt to explain more about the book to keep the conversation going.
- What are you really passionate about?
It is not just an icebreaker but is one of the most important questions to ask when trying to learn more about someone new that you are interested in. The answer could be all you need to decide whether or not you are both truly compatible.
- What are some of your pet peeves?
It is important to establish boundaries in a relationship as early as possible, and this question is a great strategy to help with doing so. That way, you know what to be careful about if you eventually meet.
- What’s your ideal weekend?
It is a lighthearted question that will offer you information on what a typical weekend looks like for your new love interest. Who knows? Those may be your plans too in a short while.
- What event in your life has had the biggest impact on your life?
This one is a bit of a heavy one and may involve your match having to recount a traumatic event. Save this question for when there is a bit more rapport and trust between you two.
- What are you currently working on?
If your match is artistic or in a project-based career, asking what they are currently working on is a nice and casual question to help get the conversation started. After all, most people are very comfortable talking about things they are passionate about.
- What do you think about [current events]?
It could be anything from pop culture drama to political events. You will get to learn about their opinions on topics that you are invested in. It also gives you the chance to express yourself and let them learn a bit about yourself.
- What movie character do you feel that you relate to the most?
Instead of just asking what their favorite movie is, ask about characters from their favorite shows or movies they felt the most like. After this, do some research on the character if you don’t already know it, and you should have an idea of who you are dealing with.
- What is your biggest regret so far?
This is another starter question that is best reserved for when you know each other better, as it could trigger traumatic or cringy memories. If you choose to use it at first contact, break the ice with more casual questions first.
- What scares you the most?
Maybe it is spiders and heights. It could be they are afraid of failure or not being remembered. Whatever it is, understanding someone’s fears is a fantastic way of understanding how they perceive and process the world around them.
- Who are your role models, and why them?
People tend to look up to be individuals or characters that they would like to emulate in one way or another. If you know who your match looks up to or why you will get a glimpse at the kind of person and goals they are working towards becoming and achieving.
- How close are you to your family?
Whether or not the family is a major priority in your life, asking about family dynamics will help you comprehend your online match’s relationship style. This is because, for the most part, people love how they were loved and will likely treat you how they treat their families.
- What’s the happiest you’ve been so far?
This one may trigger deep memories, but at least they will be positive ones. Therefore, you can use it as a starter question, especially if you feel that you already have chemistry and enough of a connection to diving right into the serious stuff.
- What’s one thing about yourself that would shock most people in your life?
It is surprisingly easy to be vulnerable and honest with strangers while online dating. So try your luck and see what juicy secrets you can shake out of the tree. This will bond you in a special way, especially if the conversations lead to something more serious.
- What is your idea of an awesome first date?
This will be your way of getting an idea of what you can expect from a date together. You could take turns describing your ideal date and having fun arguments and debates on which activities are better.
- Speaking of first dates, would you like to go on one with me?
While you are still on the topic of dates, why not shoot your shot and actually suggest that you both go on one? However, to be safe, just make sure you get to know each other a bit more before pulling this one out of your bag of tricks.
With these conversation starters for online dating, it is highly unlikely that you will not leave a lasting impression.
The good thing about them is that they are not only amazing icebreakers but also a great way to open up the conversation.
They will get you a lot further than a simple “hey” or “how are you.” So, get a general idea, give it your twist and watch as they land you your dream date.